17. You make so much sense its stupid...

Thanks hun. Good to know my words and ways dont always fall on deaf ears...

2 very strange days with both things that made me laugh and things that...lets just say things that havn't helped the depression. Its almost as if the world both I and some off my friends are in has just disappeared or rejected us and there isnt a damn thing I can do to help myself or others. I used to be so narrow minded, so focused on what I was and what I wanted to be and even who I wanted to be with...
Now that i'v opened my mind (which I only did for someone anyway and kinda stuck with it to see where it'd take me) to different people, opinions, taste in various things like music, all its done is open a floodgate of empty intregue and utter disappointment.
You know what? I havn't a fucking clue which I like being best. I dont think i've changed enough to experience a valid difference in myself or for others to notice. Yeh sure, my music taste has altered...but im still the same arsey short tempered opinionated irrational freak of nature i'v always been known as.
I dont know if it was me or the choice of music tonight, but I hated almost every minute of it and came to a simple conclusion. Nights out are dead for me. Pubs, yeh. Time spent with friends, fine. Clubs and excessive drinking surrounded by pricks? No. Not anymore. Im done with trying to fit in with people in ways that just dont matter. Im pretty sure if someon told me that friday was my last ever night out id probably be happy. It bemuses me to why people force enjoyment upon themselves with drink...

Invite me out with loadsa people (or a girl I fancy lol) and i'll happily oblige. Any differing circumstance? Id rather stew in my own self pity alone thanks.

Any world i'd feel at home in is dead. My soul is crushed and my dreams are almost shattered...

The best way in life is to become a free thinker, to do your own thing and search for your forte... Just dont take too long about it or you lose yourself in the process...